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Never Knew      



  So many years ago I tried to tell you   
But alas my love I could not sell you
A quarter century  I  have waited
For  your  sweetness so belated
 
Thought that I to bloom was late
Alas  the  youngest  I  did  wait
You  never knew I was the same
Only an older version I became
 
With other women night and day
Guessed that youd  turn me away
Now the sweetest within my dream
I have loved you and as never seen
 
Dearest brother in my arms tonight
I  would never lose you in my sight
For the poet recites within you deep
And compassion comforts me to sleep
 
So many years ago I thot to tell you
But  my love I could not even sell you
You  never saw me as I  really was
And I can never blame you because
 
From the waters we floundered deep
While your attention I could not keep
Never enough time day after day
For either of us to have our say
 
In the sunshine and adversity
No hesitation shall persuade me
Was never meant to be till now
Guess we understand somehow
 
Three decades we have wandered
So many miles we have pondered
Only now can we possibly realize
The purpose in our past demise
 
Though the skeptics will all persist
And into their grave they still resist
You're the captain of your longest fight
Captured by some tremendous light
 
You know you are my absolute delight
No reservations will whisper at night
As a moth unto a flickering flame
I see I shall never be the same....
​​


​ Vows     



My prince of passion, poetry, prayer, and promise....

 
 A quarter century I  have waited
For  your  sweetness  so  belated
 
Now, you ask me if I'll be your wife
Never more sure of anything in life
 
As  a moth unto a flickering flame
I  see  I shall never be  the same
 
Douglas...you are my absolute delight
No reservations will whisper at night
 
For three decades we have wandered
So  many miles we have pondered
 
Only  now  can  we  realize
The purpose in our past demise
 
In  sunshine  and  adversity
No hesitation shall persaude me
 
Was never meant to be till now
Guess we understand somehow.
 
​​



Douglas      
 
 
Know that you are my earthly delight
Remember when you lay down at night
 
You are the absolute man of my dreams
So never enough time with you it seems
 
For decades we have both wandered
Those many miles we have pondered
 
This quarter century I have waited
For your sweetness that is so belated
 
Now like vintage wine at forty-nine
After all these years you are mine.



       Iniquities    
 
 
 
I query what goes on in your illusive mind
And wonder in your words what there is to find
As though I cannot feel most of what you're thinking
Like both cannot recognize each other's fear in sinking
 
The skies are open wide encouraging expressions from inside
For when my pen does rest so still it's not within my will
Imploring to be understood as though I actually ever could
Forget the swallowed pride for only in some dream did it reside
 
I shall write as many necessary words as it takes to tell
Just how it is that we'll get out of this crevice that we fell
Catch me with your tempted stare but deny me any future care
And hear me sigh in lost reply each season that should pass us by
 
So sad it is that we forever sow our own destructive seeds
We never differentiate between our wants and then our needs
How cruel are the arrows that strike our zealous hearts
That we never count the damage until the bleeding starts
 
And further I am convinced with all my depth of heart
That there are demons to blame for the greater part
Though never to discount our own degree of shame
Our adversary is playing his ancient sordid game
 
Someday coming we will look into a tarnished mirror
And suddenly this trial will seem so much clearer
For now we hang our heads in vacillating shame
Until our God rewrites this chapter with another name
 
We are like fire and water against our suffered selves
Reaching yet more iniquities from even further shelves
The young widows do wax cold is a story seldom told
So dreadful I see, more gracious is our God to set us free.



​​
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Ineterferences
 
 
I hate myself and that I should
For the reasons finally understood
And although I do remain sorry 
It is the reprobates outworn story
 Partly sorry to be caught I plea  
With less remorse than should be
 
I know my soul God did really save
But how long can these lusts enslave
Faith says through it He will take me 
Tho I fear that it will surely break me
My sins seem stronger as I recognize
My desires betray me in many lies 
 
Steady my heart I wear down fast 
This present assumes the actual past
It seems that nothing in its beginning
Can bear to last the continual sinning 
Not sure when my flesh began to reign
Perhaps when my soul began to pain
 
All the directions that I am turning 
I remain ever absent in the learning
I fluctuate and that you can anticipate
Even until the hours grow so very late 
One day lightening might strike me dead
For these interferences within my head.
 
 
 
​​



 In The Wee Hours  

 
There’s a reason for your late arrival and a reason you must go away
Rest assured that I will be here when you come back to us some day
In knowing we are so much safer just the way we are  
There is no doubt that we have both come so very far 
 
Temptation is a fearful thing that never will make right
Comes to us at midnight when there is such little light
When our defenses are impaired we cannot even fight
It lasts us but a season to wander in dark reason
 
Now turn me back around so I can see things straight again  
Don't tell me it's alright because I can start to feel some rain 
How many times have I mentioned my obsessions unintentioned
Did you not hear me wanting free or hear me love the misery
 
Now never did I ever want for you to turn me inside out 
Or draw me tight unto you, all beyond a reasons doubt 
A moth unto the evening flame with all to lose not to gain
Like sun that shines so brightly but clouds that threaten rain
 
I know I never will sustain that sin that sends me near insane
Tell me do I thrive on pain or is there something else I gain
Certainly there  must be reason for every single suffered season
Why the galaxies exist while we persist while yet resist  
 
Humble man upon the stage your futures not within a cage
And I in sad obsession could not share this desired possession
If it was only your charisma I'd count that I might need  
Alas, it   really is not only that but everything I must concede
 
Never have fallen short of impressing me I say in all sincerity
To me you're more than all the rest as I see you at your best 
There is safety and there's sanity in our simplicity we are free
Just hold me for one moment then say that you must go  
And so I will never be allowed to let those feelings grow 
Part of me has fallen deep but you I could not ever keep  
 
And I will wish you'd never gone in the wee hours we used to don
Fond memories of talking and no sleep are absolutely bitter-sweet
Now never will I even consider to take your country paths alone 
I'd sooner never walk them again than walk them on my own 
 
Now we watch each other grow, neither young nor old does show
You're a pauper   while you're a prince, devils easily could convince
Cultured boy without much care, I treasure everything we share  
 The greatest times of my life have been but moments in their length
And it’s strange how we cannot forget their validity and strength 
Will never say you are gone away only absent for the longest day
 
Like a moth unto the flame, you are sunlight yet you are pain
Must I always   be   fixated with some love   I actually created 
 Now my gypsy can you tell me what my future holds for me  
 Are you standing in my door wondering, on earth what for ?  
 



S​hadows  
 
 
This love is rather strange
So I feel a bit incaged 
I never want to turn a lief
Or turn another page 
 
There are times of sorrow
And there'll be times tomorrow
There's times I'd never change
Like when I hold your face in thot
The beauty that I am brought  
 
Though its left some varied scars
This worry is not the pain
Nor the hidden iron bars
Or the too understood refrain
 
Yet only hurt is in this soul 
 When I think of the lonely day   
The fright within the shadowed night
Your bed in which I'll never lay
 
Brother give me some reason
For this God forsaken season
Why I've put myself on hold 
For a story never could be told
This rooms become so cold.  


  - 1987 ​ in memory of      




  ​ Distractions   
 
 
 
Cursed are these endless distractions
We choose to suffer in earthly attractions
Into them we run headstrong tripping all along
Even though we know how they are so wrong
 
Suddenly I notice that I have turned lukewarm
And in that you must know there is much harm
Figure not the reason for balance on the ledge
Or for my failure to stay miles from the edge
 
I fluctuate and that you might anticipate
Even until the hours grow intensely late
And when I am almost torn asunder
Is when these sins are burried under
 
There are days that I am not the same
When never entertaining any sordid game
But alas, this infirmity that is yet to tire
Will surely be the detriment of my desire.
 


 Monergism   
 
 
There is a doctrine that is most hated
Though its truth cannot be overstated
 
Many refuse seeing authentic divine grace
Despite it revealed in the front of their face
 
We all are dead in our sins unwilling to face God
Despite the deploring and prideful human facade
 
 Never mind what fallen humans will deceptively say
When the Word of God teaches us a different way
 
Seems most hate the story of the Potter and the clay
When the Potter is God whose hand we cannot stay
 
We were made in His very image just before that fall
Yet conceived in sin we will not search for God at all
 
To claim synergism within salvation is dastardly odd
I am persuaded it is the influence of a strange god
 
Monergism like trinity are words not found in Scripture
Yet the teaching is and some will never get the picture
 
So many common sordid lies are running to and fro
Seeded by the wicked one who proves to be our foe
 
Do not underestimate the deceptions in this mortal life
Or confusion of the devil and the sharpness of his knife
 
Vigilant in broken spirit God will keep you in His strength
Persist not to operate your natural will at any given length
 
Knowing truth at emotions expense is not ever any option 
Our coward denial is not a fruit from our indebted adoption
 
Prideful is the voice that chimes they control the God above 
Never minding how vile they remain without undeserved love
 
And that prince of preachers was as concerned as often me 
That a prince of darkness also disables them from being free
 
Now we know we cannot shuffle blame on any angel dark
Though the fact is devils covet the truth that saints embark
 
The howling wolves come now through a church front door
They keenly smell the lame and weakling blood they lust for
 
Now if those old Pharisees despised what Jesus taught 
Why would they accept what my God in me has wrought
 
Go ahead and claim my beliefs hang on a single strand 
It is not my fault that the Word some will not understand
 
I excuse their heresies since they come from Sadducees
Still I stand my ground and will rebuke their blasphemies
 
Though I do sincerely wish that I could actually save you
As you rebel and refuse there is nothing I can actually do
 
A remnant of elected souls that no human can ever boast
Are led to Christ through the Spirit from every single coast
 
All the day they wonder why we still do always preach
As they fail to understand what God does really teach
 
All the day they carry on how our egos are so very great
 Yet I do wonder why my omnipotent God they ever hate
 
So many common sordid lies are running to and fro
Seeded by their sinfulness and by our deadly foe
 
I can tell they have not looked in a mirror of late
And in fact never recognized their own vile state
 
Father give me just some of your omniscient reason
For the reprobates false fruit is always out of season
 
Now we know that both sides cannot ever be all right
I profess Grace in all boldness and in all righteous light
 
Their weak god is certainly no more gentle than mine
If they need to believe that I guess I am gonna be fine
 
Yet I know why they pretend theirs is so much more kind
 Anything to relieve discomfort of the truth they left behind
 
Nothing changes there is a set numbered saints decreed
And that most of the world will sadly go to hell all agreed
 
Should it matter if you refuse heaven that is offered you
Or if God denies you a salvation that you never drew ?
 
Nothing changes that God allows most to go to hell
Only few are rescued from their sins that they befell
 
Though we should always be ready to give an answer
We should not be subjected to their doctrinal cancer
 
We are not to become victims of their sordid lies
No matter their confusion or their future demise
 
While they bitterly accuse Monergists of being elite
All because our real God they refuse to even meet
 
So finally when our convictions they fail to defeat
They resort to vile railings as their sordid retreat
 
I am definitely sickened by that attitude abroad
That steals such glory from our omnipotent God
 
Every day they question why we still should preach
And I cannot help query if their birth is actually breach
 
Yet cringe I could have been someone left myself to die
If my God had not rescued me from my sinful innate lie
 
Knowing the extent of my depravity I did not so much as care
 Would now be more than I would willingly decide to ever share
 
With nothing in myself to offer anyone and God especially
Was I delivered from that sentence of hell to live eternally
 
Woe unto them who will call good for evil and evil for good
They have so much torment ahead of them as they should
 
Alas these depraved continually prefer their bondage still
And so tell me who but God can transform their evil will?
 
In our vile fallen nature we do run to sin incessantly
Absolutely nothing but the Spirit will ever set us free
 
We all are dead in our sins unwilling to turn unto God
Despite that our conscience should burn for our God
 
Without grace we will never sincerely search for God
To boast we chose our salvation is as wretched as odd
 
There never was anyone who came to God after the fall
  That the powerful Spirit of God did not first effectually call 
 
The reprobate argues on continually and refuses to relate
And I can clearly recognize my all powerful God they hate
 
In the will of God I stand affirmed that as long as I exist
Will fight these lies of synergism and every devise resist
 
Our God is in control of everything great and even small
Without divine decree no man nor sparrow can even fall
 
Soon sinners will learn that they cannot tell God what to do
  Never has man done righteous without God working through.


​Candles in the Storm    
 
 
From the days of the apostles to the final apostates
Saints are the ones who enter in thro straight gates
Such peculiar people they are called by the masses 
A few to be counted worthy as each century passes 
 
Authentic believers have always proved such a mystery 
To the unbelievers continually through all human history
Yet for no length of time could they blend in if they tried
 They usually have made challenging choices and died   
 
Called fanatics by the common conservatives each day 
And ever called intolerant by the persecutors who stay  
From the Jesuits and underground gallows of Vatican city
Ancient martyrs can assure you the scene is never pretty
 
All  along  in vain that false church tried to kill every lowly saint
Continually  spilling  their blood without any recognized restraint 
  Not quite able to wipe them out the Word was hit with vile coercion
  She tried to destroy the received text and then authorized version 
 
The women who is the mother of harlots parades a virgin of white
Yet  in her  there are but a thousand devils and not a single light  
 Never should  you fall for her seductions or her many sordid  lies  
 You look just a little closer and you will see her transparent disguise
 
So many saints have come and gone and to the world freely gave
Day and night their blood cries out from within their tortured grave
The false church burned them on stakes beside the seething witch 
And it never apologized for its Inquisition or conduct in getting rich
 
The largest churches in this world are nothing but glorified pagan cults
 Our path is way more narrow and their numbers prove damned results
So know the saints of God can even come out of these cultic churches
Then  you  might only discern them after your many careful searches 
 
Yet above all understand they will dare come out of almost nowhere
From unworthy little groups without so much as a name to spare  
Out of shadows will they emerge with a trail of their own blood stain 
Not a word is said about their vexings or a consideration of their pain
 
Like paupers holding candles with flames that never quite went out
Silent to the world that refused to hear them for its greedy shout 
You look for them in places that this mindless world least expects 
While understanding they are minority a transgressor least protects
 
So many saints have come and gone and to the world freely gave
Day and night their blood cries out from within their tortured grave
The false church burned them on stakes beside the seething witch
And then left their infants tied to bibles floating in the filthy ditch
 
Now the real saint is called the dangerous heretic and infidel
Only by those threatening false church devils cannot you tell
Running  to and fro in the darkness without the living light 
Woe unto them who say that truth is a lie and day is night
 
As the saint is called a heretic and devil possessed soul
They will never see acceptance by this world as a whole
So was Jesus by unbelievers treated that very same way
 Nothing has changed much for disciples this dastard day
 
As a candle  that will not go out in this furious storm 
 We find all saints are so curiously and fearfully born  
They are wise as any serpents and harmless as a dove
Their focus is on the next life with affections far above.